Ways Of Being

Have you ever stepped back and asked yourself “who do I need to be right now to make the best of this situation”? If you have, it was likely a moment of some importance to you.

In times of importance, you may consciously choose a version of yourself to handle matters more effectively.

Imagine if you consciously chose your Ways of Being and Acting regularly, rather than just on special occasions. What if there were specific ways you actively worked at to help improve things in your life, your relationships or how your business performed?

That’s what this article is about; the active choosing of specific Ways of Being and Acting to bring about target outcomes.

What Are Ways Of Being And Acting?

Ways of Being and Acting are connected like two sides of the same coin. Your Ways of Being reflect what’s going on for you internally (your mood, attention and state). These ways of being give rise to your Ways of Acting. This is how you respond – what you think, say and do. For eadability sake, I’m collapsing Ways of Being and Ways of Acting down into “Ways of Being” or “Ways” for short.

In every moment, you get to either react instinctively, using your unconscious patterns of behaviour, or you can actively choose who you need to show up as to be effective.

Take for example, Being Kind.

There are hundreds of different behaviours you can use to express kindness. No individual act of kindness constitutes being a kind person. However, a regular pattern of kind behaviours becomes a practised Way of Being.

We all have Ways of Being that people use to describe us. She is kind, he is honest, she is untrustworthy, etc. One incident does not represent a pattern. It’s the frequency and consistency of our behaviours that earn us our labels and results. No one is a particular Way all the time. We do, however, exhibit some ways with great regularity, and these patterns of behaviour are cumulatively responsible for our results and who people believe us to be (our reputation).

Getting Started With Ways Of Being

Many years ago, my business coach helped me connect with my core values and purpose in life and work. Then we focused on uncovering who I needed to be, to live into my values in ways that supported my purpose.

I’ve spent years learning to express those values and to make them who I diligently show up as. As I started to understand and adopt the practices, I wondered… “how could I apply the same principles to marketing and business development?”

This inquiry has shaped my life and career for decades.

Deer-In-The-Headlights Stares

After so many years of study and practice, I’ve become a fan of Ways of Being. However, when I mention the topic outside the coaching community, I tend to get blank stares from people. This deer-in-the-headlights response reinforces my desire to shed more light on the Ways conversation. In particular, I want to highlight how it applies to business leadership. To this end, I wrote a book called BEING Profitable ^[1] for business owners who want to transform how they approach sales and marketing. If this is of interest, please explore the book. If not, let’s create some context for the conversation.

Let’s Start With Some Context

In our culture, there is a general expectation that people will be certain ways. Not that we all do it, but there is a general expectation of baseline Ways, such as:

• Being polite and helpful
• Being respectful and tolerant
• Being honest and trustworthy

In your business, you tend to recruit people who fit your culture and express Ways suited for particular job roles, for example:

• Being friendly and empathetic in a customer service role
• Being logical and innovative in a software development role
• Being bold and creative in a design role
• Being committed and forthcoming in a leadership role

You may not be consciously choosing your ways yet, but you will have a set of ways that you value and live into as a matter of your upbringing, training and work responsibilities.

The opportunity is to increase your effectiveness by actively choosing ways of being that support your objectives. The more awareness, intentionality and consistency you can generate, the more effective you become. The challenge for many is a lack of familiarity with ways of being. The tendency is to focus on what we need to do over who we need to be to accomplish our goals. Switching to a Be Do Have paradigm can be a game-changing experience if you can get over the mental hurdle.

Managing Ways Is An Ancient Practice

Choosing and practising Ways of Being is far from a new idea. It’s a practice thousands of years old. Unfortunately, the practice tends to get buried within discipline-specific conversations like philosophy, religion, ethics, performance coaching, behavioural psychology, and mindfulness.

How Does This Help You?

Learning to apply Ways of Being personally and in business represents a tremendous opportunity. Why? Because Ways of Being are free and completely within your control. There is no need for technology to practice them. They are fundamental to culture, productivity, relationships and brand development.

In simple terms, it works like this…You determine which ways are necessary to achieve a goal. You make living into those ways the expectation, the easiest to practice and the most rewarded option. The more you practice and make your target ways your chosen expression, the easier it gets and the more progress you make.

Which Ways Are Vital For You?

Do you know? Have you explored your Ways of Being and their role in your life? While anyone will benefit from actively choosing their ways, people on some sort of mission will benefit most from the effort. What are you up to? What’s so important that you’re willing to examine and choose your ways of being to accomplish it?

• Are you an inventor or innovator bringing something important into existence?
• Are you founding or leading an organization?
• Are you in a sales role where who you are being generates your income?

Who do you need to be to generate target outcomes or to inspire and empower others to greatness?

A good starting point is to assess your typical Ways of Being. Are your ways consistent and aligned with your purpose, or do you find yourself reacting and coping with daily challenges?
If you wanted to be more mindful about your Ways of Being and consistent with your actions, which ways would you elect to focus on?

Constructive and Shadow Ways Of Being List

If you’re going to actively choose your ways of being, you need an efficient tool for selecting which ways to focus on. To this end, we created this list of ways to help you get your bearings and gain some experience with this mindfulness practice. Don’t worry if it feels awkward at first. Like everything, it gets easier with practice.

As we’ve developed our list of ways of being, the list was getting too long to find target ways efficiently. We decided it was time to organize the list into natural and useful groupings and hierarchies.

The first major division has ways that reflect your inner from your outer being.

• Inner Ways focus on how you manage yourself.
• Outer Ways focus on how you show up with and for others.

Next, we subdivided the ways to reflect their areas of focus. In all, we identified nine subdivisions, each with organizing frameworks that reflect how they are used.

Initially, we keep the Ways list constructive to keep the focus on generative behaviours. We’ve since realised that listing both generative and shadow opposites is more useful to help people identify which patterns to work on.

Now, each way is presented as a pair of opposites. It is often more useful to select the shadow ways you might be struggling with first to help identify their generative counterparts. It’s important not to think about ways as right and wrong. It’s more useful to consider whether you have a healthy relationship with each way pairing.

We’ve worked through the hierarchies many times to reflect the inherent patterns. Please consider these structures an active work in progress.

• YOUR INNER WAYS OF BEING ^[2]
  1. Choosing Your State Of Awareness ^[3]
  2. Choosing The Energy To Be In ^[4]
  3. How You Choose To Express Emotion ^[5]
  4. The Attitude You Choose ^[6]
  5. How You Choose To Approach Information ^[7]
  6. How You Choose To Work ^[8]
• YOUR OUTER WAYS OF BEING ^[9]
  1. The Experience You Choose To Generate (Your Reputation) ^[10]
  2. How You Choose To Build Relationships ^[11]
  3. How You Choose To Be With People ^[12]

Reflecting On Your Ways Of Being

Conduct a mini-self-evaluation by answering the following questions.

1. Which Ways most define your reputation and personal brand?
2. Which Ways most reflect your core values? (Narrow your choice to the top few non-negotiable ways.)
3. Which Ways are central to how you get things done?
4. Which Ways do you think are most important in terms of building and maintaining relationships?
5. Which ways come most naturally to you?
6. Which ways are the most challenging for you?
7. Do you practice any ways begrudgingly because you think you are supposed to?
8. Which ways are most important to your role at work?
9. Which ways define who you strive to be as a parent, coach, mentor or teacher?
10. Which destructive ways do you struggle with the most?
11. What did you learn about yourself?
12. Which ways will you choose to practice and become more consistent at?
13. Which ways might you abandon to make yourself feel more authentic?
14. Consider making a To Be List each day. Increase your intention and see how your behaviours follow.

Resources For Learning More

If you’d like to learn more, consider looking into the study of Phenomenology ^[13] (the study of human experiences) and Ontology ^[14] (which explores the nature of existence and reality). For a comprehensive and in-depth exploration of Waya of Being, Ashkan Tashvir wrote a nearly 650-page book titled BEING The Source of Power ^[15]. It is the most comprehensive book I have found on the topic.

Other places to learn about Ways of Being include the Being A Leader ^[16] course. You can also read about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) ^[17],  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) ^[18] or Mindfulness ^[19]. One of the most ancient examples is the Noble Eightfold Paths ^[20] in Buddhism or Kaizen from Japan. Martial arts training, elite fitness and athletic programs are often based on a similar practice of consciously choosing rather than sliding into unconscious patterns. There are so many different resources available; you just need to find something you connect with that gets you over the mental hurdle and into the conversation.

Even Steven Covey’s book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People ^[21] can be viewed from the perspective of Ways of Being and Acting. For example, if you’ve internalised his second habit of “Starting with the end in mind” and made it part of who you are, it becomes part of your natural way of thinking and acting. You could call it “Being Intentional”. I realise a level of abstraction is required, but consider looking at a familiar book through a new lens. How might you turn an effective habit into a powerful Way of Being?