Have you ever stepped back and asked yourself “who do I need to be right now to make the best of this situation”? If you have, it was likely a moment of some importance to you.

In times of importance, you may consciously choose a version of yourself to handle matters more effectively.

Imagine if you consciously chose your Ways of Being and Acting regularly, rather than just on special occasions. What if there were specific Ways you actively worked at to help improve things in your life, your relationships or how your business performed?

That’s what this article is about; the active choosing of specific Ways of Being and Acting to bring about target outcomes.

The Act Of Choosing Versus Reacting

At the root of this conversation is training yourself to pause long enough to choose an appropriate response, rather than simply reacting instinctively in the moment. This pausing practice opens up a world of opportunity for generating purposeful outcomes in all aspects of your life.

Each act of choosing provides an opportunity to select a Way of Being appropriate to the situation. The pause creates an opportunity to be purposeful and constructive.

What Are Ways Of Being And Acting?

Ways of Being and Acting are connected like two sides of the same coin. Your Ways of Being reflect what’s going on for you internally (your mood, attention and presence). These ways of being give rise to your Ways of Acting. This is how you respond – what you think, say and do. For readability’s sake, I’m collapsing Ways of Being and Ways of Acting down into “Ways of Being” or “Ways” for short.

In every moment, you have the option to either react instinctively, using your unconscious patterns of behaviour, or you can actively choose who you need to be, to serve a higher purpose.

Ways of Being Are Cumulative

Let’s look at Being Kind as an example.

There are hundreds of different behaviours you can use to express kindness. No individual act of kindness constitutes being a kind person. However, a regular pattern of kind behaviours becomes a practised Way of Being Kind.

We all have Ways of Being that people use to describe us. She is kind, he is honest, she is untrustworthy, etc. One incident does not represent a pattern. It’s the frequency and consistency of our behaviours that earn us our labels and results. No one is a particular Way all the time. We do, however, exhibit some ways with great regularity, and these patterns of behaviour are cumulatively responsible for our results and who people believe us to be (our reputation).

Getting Started With Ways Of Being

Many years ago, my business coach helped me connect with my core values and purpose in life and work. We focused on uncovering who I needed to be, to live into my values in ways that supported my purpose.

I’ve spent years learning to express those values by choosing who I diligently show up as. As I started to understand and adopt the practices, I wondered… “how could I apply the same principles to leadership, marketing and business development?”

This inquiry has shaped my life and career for decades.

Deer-In-The-Headlights Stares

After so many years of study and practice, I’ve become a fan of Ways of Being. However, when I mention the topic outside the coaching community, I often receive blank stares from people. This deer-in-the-headlights response reinforces my desire to shed more light on the Ways conversation. In particular, I want to highlight how it applies to marketing leadership and business development. To this end, I wrote a book called Being Profitable for business owners who want to transform their approach to sales and marketing. If this is of interest, please explore the book.

Let’s Start With Some Context

In our culture, there is a general expectation that people will be certain ways. Not that we all do it, but there is a general expectation of baseline Ways, such as:

• Being polite and helpful
• Being respectful and tolerant
• Being honest and trustworthy

In your business, you tend to recruit people who fit your culture and express Ways suited for particular job roles, for example:

• Being friendly and empathetic in a customer service role
• Being logical and innovative in a software development role
• Being bold and creative in a design role
• Being committed and forthcoming in a leadership role

You may not be consciously choosing your Ways yet, but you will have a set of given Ways that you value and live into as a matter of your upbringing, training and work responsibilities.

The opportunity is to increase your effectiveness by actively choosing Ways of Being that support your core objectives. The more awareness, intentionality and consistency you can generate, the more effective you become.

The challenge for many is a lack of familiarity with Ways of Being. The tendency is to focus on what we need to do over who we need to be to accomplish our goals. Switching to a Be Do Have paradigm can be a game-changing experience if you can get over the mental hurdle.

Managing Ways Is An Ancient Practice

Choosing and practising Ways of Being is far from a new idea. It’s a practice thousands of years old. Unfortunately, the practice tends to get buried within discipline-specific conversations, such as Stoic philosophy, religion, ethics, performance coaching, behavioural psychology, and mindfulness.

How Does This Help You?

Learning to apply Ways of Being personally and in business represents a tremendous opportunity. Why? Because Ways of Being are free and completely within your control. There is no need for technology to practice them. They are fundamental to culture, productivity, relationships and brand development.

In simple terms, it works like this…You determine which ways are necessary to achieve a goal. You make living into those ways the expectation, the easiest to practice and the most rewarded option. The more you practice and make your target Ways your chosen expression, the easier it gets and the more progress you make.

Which Ways Are Vital For You?

Do you know? Have you explored your Ways of Being and their role in your life? While anyone will benefit from actively choosing their ways, people on some sort of mission will benefit most from the effort. What are you up to? What’s so important that you’re willing to examine and choose your ways of being to accomplish it?

• Are you an inventor or innovator bringing something important into existence?
• Are you founding or leading an organisation?
• Are you in a sales role where who you are Being generates your income?

Who do you need to be to generate target outcomes or to inspire and empower others to greatness?

A good starting point is to assess your typical Ways of Being. Are your ways consistent and aligned with your purpose, or do you find yourself reacting and coping with daily challenges?
If you want to be more mindful about your Ways of Being and consistent with your actions, which ways would you elect to focus on?

Ways Of BEING Model

As we expanded our list of Ways, we found it increasingly difficult to identify the most situationally appropriate Ways to focus on. Fortunately, the Ways group naturally into core focus areas. Our evolving model emerged from these natural groupings.

• At the centre is your existential assessment of possibility and agency.
• The Ways In The Inner Ring reflect aspects of your core presenting Ways of Being.
• The Ways in Your Outer Ring reflect how you approach different aspects of your life and work.

Each group of Ways contains several pairs of opposites. Each pairing reflects a gradient between a generative and what could be considered a less constructive or Shadow Way of Being. However, it is important to appreciate that even these Shadow Ways can be situationally appropriate and therefore not inherently negative.

It is often easier to identify a less desirable Shadow Way that you wish to shift from than it is to identify generative Ways to choose actively.

Once you select a target Way, you contemplate what that way would look like in practice. How would you live into that Way of Being? Consider asking Google or ChatGPT what it would look like if you were to adopt that Way of Being. Consider the difference between your intention and action. If you were to practice that Way, how might it change your experience and outcomes? How might it change people’s experience of you? How might it impact your productivity, your team or your clients’ experience of you?

Make an action plan for how you will live into that Way, then try it on for a while to see how it feels. Get some feedback and make adjustments until you develop familiarity and a workable relationship with the Way in question. A coach can be instrumental in easing your learning curve.

Let’s Explore The Ways Of Being List

At the core of our model is your Existential Assessment of Possibility and Agency, which is our deeply rooted underlying belief about what is possible for ourselves. It is a vital conversation that shapes who we are, but it is beyond the scope of this article. If you want to learn more about existential beliefs, I am referring to Martin Heidegger’s Moods as described in his book BEING and Time. The book “Learned Optimism” by Martin Seligman is also relevant here.

The core work is the highest leverage area of focus for an individual. In my experience, it is the access point to transformational shifts in what you believe to be possible and who you show up as in the world. It serves as a launch pad for personal development and, by extension, business development. I’ll be writing a separate post on this topic.

Resources For Learning More

If you’d like to learn more, consider exploring the fields of Phenomenology (the study of human experiences) and Ontology (which examines the nature of existence and reality). For a comprehensive and in-depth exploration of Ways of Being, Ashkan Tashvir wrote a nearly 650-page book titled BEING The Source of Power. It is the most comprehensive book I have found on the topic. The book delves deeply into the topic, which is ideal if you want to explore and master the practice or to coach others.

Other places to learn about Ways of Being include the Being A Leader course. You can also read about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT),  Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or Mindfulness. One of the most ancient examples is the Noble Eightfold Paths in Buddhism, Stoicism or Kaizen from Japan. Martial arts training, elite fitness and athletic programs are often based on a similar practice of consciously choosing rather than sliding into unconscious patterns. There are so many resources available; you just need to find something you connect with that gets you over the mental hurdle and into a mindfulness practice.

Even Steven Covey’s book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People can be viewed from the perspective of Ways of Being and Acting. For example, if you’ve internalised his second habit of “Starting with the end in mind” and made it part of who you are, it becomes part of your natural way of thinking and acting. You could call it “Being Intentional”. I realise a level of abstraction is required, but consider looking at a familiar book through a new lens. How might you turn an effective habit into a powerful Way of Being?